Love!!

So I have been thinking about Love and what it really means to me. I know that I have always had love in my life thru my family and friends, but I don't think i really knew what it was like to love someone who you never saw. I am talking about the love of a child, a love like no other. It is one of those things that you can't really know until you have a child. Until you see your child for the first time. You hear everyone talk about how you have this love for a child that you didn't know you could have. I now know what every parent out there talks about. Scott and I got to feel that love in September. Even though our experience wasn't like most peoples, I think we still understand that unconditional love for a child. It is the best feeling in the world. As I look back on the day Clayton was born, I'm still putting all the emotions together. I always thought that I was just in shock that my baby passed away and that is why I didn't cry when he was born or maybe I didn't have any more tears as I pretty much cried all day. Now looking back it was because as odd as this may sound, I was happy. I was in love with my child and the little family Scott and I created. Even though Clayton did not cry or look at us for that quite moment it felt like time stood still and it was just the three of us in that room. I was happy I had my baby that I have so wanted for as long as I can remember. True, it wasn't how we picture this moment but it was still our moment that no one can take away. I will always that that moment in my mind. Whenever I am starting to feel down I try to go there as it will always make me happy.
During this process I have come to realize what kind of husband I have. I always knew that Scott was one of a kind. He has always been there for me when ever I needed anything. He pretty much gives me whatever I ask for. Yes, I had to wait 5 years to marry him, but to be honest I would have waited forever. When I came home from the hospital he was there for me in every way. He is not afraid of anything, he never left my side. He never made me feel bad for what happened to Clayton. After everyone left to go back home and continue with there lives, he continued to stay with me. He made sure I had everything I needed. I am not sure what I would have done with out him. After I went back to work after Clayton I needed up back in the hospital for a week. He stayed by my side the whole time. He is always putting my needs in front of his and for this I am so grateful. Most of you don't know this but on 2/10/09 we celebrated the day Scott asked me to be his wife. I know we are crazy cause we celebrate this date. However this year he took me to the same place where asked me to marry him and he gave me another ring. This ring, like the first, has a special meaning. After Clayton had passed away I was looking for something to wear all the time that would remind me of him. Well we both saw this ring that I feel in love with. Well little did I know that Scott had bought the ring for me and he gave it to me on that night. It is the most beautiful ring. It has three stones that are Clayton's birthstone. I just wanted to let everyone know how great of a husband I have.
I love both of my boys with all my heart.