No Heatbeat

I saw this on my Support Group and wanted to share it.

No Heartbeat
Nothing else need be said
We cannot find the heartbeat
I am afraid your son is dead

Two words that changed our lives forever
Nothing will be the same
Two words that brought us closer together
We hope we don't go insane

Our child has died before his birth
People have nothing to say
To us it does not matter
We love him anyway

Now we go on with our lives
Strangers ask me everyday
How many children do you have
I don't quite know what to say

I tell them I have a son
Who died before he was born
He was truly an inspiration
Now we can only mourn

Don't be so sad they say
You are still so very young
It was meant to be, they say
You can always have another one

How stupid you are in your world
No understanding for my pain
My child was alive and we loved him
Nothing will ever be the same

Now we know we aren't alone
Two words have affected so many
We all love our children
Even when our arms are empty

We cannot find the heartbeat
We cannot find the rhythm
Our child has died and left us
We will hold him again in heaven

-Roger Deane, SHARE Atlanta In memory of Russell Joseph Deane Stillborn April 7, 1992

Everyday things!

So tonight as Scott and I were cooking dinner together, I had a thought pop into my head. I wonder if this is what we would be doing if Clayton was here. I thought this because we were trying a new dish so we were both busy cooking. I just wonder how would this work, then it hit me it just would have. When you become a parent you just learn what you can and can't do. I was and am so ready for the day to come when we can't cook dinner right away because the little one is crying or is playing and we don't want to miss a thing. I have come to realize that everyday things will never be the same. Everything has a new meaning as does how I see life now. When something you have wanted for so long is just taken away without notice it changes everything. I view people in a whole new light. I use to see the good in everyone I ran into, however, now not so much. I use to put everyone's needs in front of my own, I no longer do that. I have learned the hard way that life is too short; way to short. I am learning that family and myself need to come first. I might hurt people by saying no more often, but I need to do things for my self. I have also learned that when you lose a child no one seems to know how to talk to you or be around you. Yes we lost our child and we are grieving, however we are still human and can carry on conversations about everyday things. I hate the way people just look at you and give you that half smile. Just say something. Anything it is better then to just walk by and have a silly look on your face. Trust me, we like talking about our children. That is how we remember them. It might make us cry, but the most important thing is that you asked. We are still people. We just have a different outlook on life.

Dear Clayton,

Hey there my baby boy. This is the first time mommy has written you a letter. I wanted you to know how much we miss you and love you. You touched our lives in a way that is hard to express. Even though you were only with us for 40 weeks you will remain with us for a lifetime. I will never forget what you looked like the fist time I saw your cute little face. I had never been more proud of your daddy and myself for making something so beautiful. Just if you had the time to hang around for us to show you everything we wanted. We were so excited to meet you we happily waited wait seemed like the longest 40 weeks. Looking back they were the shortest weeks in my life. We had so many plans for you, your daddy had it all planned out you were going to be a major league catcher for the Angels our favorite baseball team. After your passing your Aunt Tracey said that we will forever have an angel with us.. kinda ironic you love the angels and now you have your own. That is so true but I would give anything to have you back in your mommy and daddy's arms. We had also planned out your first Halloween you were going to be our little penguin. Your grandma had even gone out the day you passed to buy your outfit for mommy as I was not able to find it she still has it. Your daddy and I were so excited the day we found out you were going to be a boy. I still remember walking out to the car after our appointment and your daddy was text messaging everyone in his phone that you were a boy. He was so proud that day when I think about that day it brings a smile to my face. Clayton I am so sorry that you will not know how great your daddy is. He is the best daddy anyone could ask for. I do not regret anything I just wish you were here with us today. I wish we got to do all the things we had planned for. I wish we had gotten to see your eyes I wish you could have seen how happy we are to be your parents the moment we brought into this world. I will always remember how much I looked forward to laying down at night so I could feel you move into place for the evening. I still remember the first day your daddy saw you move in my belly and the first time he felt you move. Clayton you have giving us joy that will never be replace into our lives. We are forever grateful that we had at least 40 weeks with you. You were the best baby any mommy and daddy could have asked for.
We love you with all our heart,
Mommy and Daddy!

What My Child Has Taught Me

I saw this and I really like it. I wanted to share with everyone.

What My Child Has Taught Me
- I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
- I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.
- I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends.
- I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for lack of compassion.
- I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it".
- I've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
- I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.
- I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
- I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.It may be the last time you see them.
- I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone.
- I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words. But so is love.
- I've learned that some positives can come out of a tragedy... and that friends and strangers alike can give more comfort and strength than they will ever know.
- I've learned that the words 'Thank You' sometimes are nowhere near enough to express gratitude, when someone has helped you survive a day that you didn't have the strength to get through on your own. Or when someone takes the time to acknowledge what has happened and cares enough to listen to you.
- I've learned how important and powerful hugs are.
- I've learned how much i love those around me.
- I've learned what it means to become a family, and that i have more love for my children than I ever thought possible.

We love you Clayton Andrew!!!